It is Thanksgiving and I am really happy this morning. I am experiencing a positive emotional feeling, I have good, significant relationships, I am feeling accomplished and I feel like I am in the center of God’s will for my life. I am getting a good response to my blog. I now have several
subscribers and every week get a couple of positive comments either on the site or by email. In addition, I have four or five clients who have taken me up on my offer to be their life coach. I am really enjoying this new approach to helping others achieve their life goals. It is a lot like discipleship but includes more than just their spiritual life and my time with these men and women seems more focused.
Of course, my life isn’t perfect. Debbie and I will have a great Thanksgiving dinner with each other and Willy Nelson, but because of COVID we will not have any Airmen join us this year. I think that is a good decision for us, but it doesn’t feel right.
In addition, I am disappointed that more airmen have not taken me up on my offer to be their life coach. I asked an airmen who is a friend of mine why he thinks so few airmen have signed up and he said, “They don’t feel like they need it”. I think he is spot on. Although I have a presentation for the airmen which is interesting and entertaining, I don’t think I am appealing to a felt need. I need to work on my presentation so it is more than just interesting and entertaining, it has to appeal to a felt need.
As a result of my presentation to first term airmen at FTAC several men and women have come to our happiness conversation on Wednesday night, but after a few weeks most disappear. This is partly my inability to teach in such a way that is compelling. Unlike teaching in church where people come expecting gain important spiritual insight or school where students “have to be there”, airmen come on Wednesday night after a long day at work and are choosing to be there instead of home relaxing. It is a hard crowd; however, I am committed to moving my teaching to a new level and making the teaching more compelling. So, there are disappointments, but overall, I feel inspired to do better. I have some ideas on how I can improve my teaching, but if any of you have any ideas on how I might improve my teaching please leave a comment or send me an email.
I have also been thinking about some fundamental truths that will not change and may always make my teaching unattractive to the airmen at FE Warren. When I talk about happiness, I think most people think I am talking about the rush of a positive emotional experience. For example, the surfer thinks about the perfect way, the skier thinks about the beautiful mountain slope on the perfect weather day, serious students think about opening their report card and seeing an A+, and the salesman thinks about the big sales etc. I think the common understanding of happiness is that it is a positive reaction brought on by a positive experience.
Although that is part of happiness and I am a fan of every positive emotional experience I can find, I mean something more than just a positive emotional experience. When I teach on the science of the happiness, I am thinking of something deeper.
The happiness that I want for others involves a deep sense of meaning and purpose in life. This deep sense of meaning is used to make sense of events and situations which seem negative. The happiness I want for others also involves deep, intimate relationships and a sense of accomplishment, regardless of their Air Force jobs. I want them to feel every day like they did something well and did something that mattered. Who wouldn’t want meaning, deep relationships, and a feeling of accomplishment?
However, to acquire a happiness that is more than just a positive emotional experience requires more than just having good things happen in your life. I think if we are going to experience a happiness that is more than just a positive feeling it will require faith and effort, neither of which come naturally or feel necessary.
Thinking that deep happiness involves faith and effort doesn’t feel right. All of us can think of times in our life when we have had a positive emotional experience which did not require much effort or faith. This week I got a new laptop which I am using right and now and it is enjoyable. When I open the machine, it “looks” for my face and when it “sees” me it unlocks the computer, almost instantaneously. The machine is cool, and I am really enjoying it. A positive emotional experience which only cost me money. Almost everyone reading this blog has had this experience, when you have acquired something new; new clothing, an apple watch, car or house, and it is fun. It is hard to believe that more stuff like this won’t make you happy.
It isn’t just stuff either; we have all had the experience of doing something which didn’t require much of us that brought a high level of happiness. The other night I watched a very fun movie. It cost me nothing! All I had to do was sit on the couch and turn on the television. A fun time at virtually no cost. I think all of us have had a positive emotional experience which cost us very little or seemingly nothing at all. The natural conclusion is I just need more of these inexpensive experiences and good stuff to experience happiness.
But I believe fun movies, new lap top computers, or great days at the beach, as fun as they are, will not bring us the deep happiness we long for which I am experiencing on this Thanksgiving. The happiness I am experiencing right now came as a combination of faith, effort and luck (I don’t like adding the luck piece because it is part of our life we don’t control, but it wouldn’t be honest to not add that part). First the faith piece. The deep happiness I am experiencing is because I am trusting God for my future. As a result, I am not overly worried about my health, financial security, or the future of our government. I could be worried about my health; it isn’t perfect, and I am getting older every day. But I am sure God will take care of that in His time in His way. I am not independently wealthy. I have been diligent about saving for retirement, but with an unstable market, who knows what the future holds. I could worry about my kids and grandkids, but God is big enough to take care of them too.
My faith is a huge part of my happiness today. However, I don’t think that this faith is the result of only one prayer I prayed when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, although that was a good start. I don’t think it is only because I have gone to church all my life, although I am a big fan of going to church and being committed to a faith group. And it is not because I went to Bible School and memorized a lot of Bible verses, often this leads to arrogance and a pride that moves people away from happiness. I think my faith today is the result of 50 years of small decision to trust God and obey His word. My faith is the result of a lot of small steps of faith over years which has convinced me that His ways are better than mine. So today I am trusting in His ways. My trust seems to be deeper than it was when I began this journey because I have experienced His ways over and over again and have no doubts His ways are better than mine (Proverbs 3:5-6). All I mean to say faith is something which has to be nourished with action. My faith made me happy 50 years ago when I started on this journey, but it is at a new level because of small decision to trust Him again and again.
The other parts of my happiness today, my relationship with Debbie, other friends all across the country, and feelings of accomplishment came not by faith alone, but by effort and taking calculated risks. Often relationship start as easy, natural attraction to people we meet. However, maintaining relationships takes effort. It takes effort to stay in touch, to correct misunderstandings, and work through conflict. It is also risky to reach out to others you don’t know when you are not sure how they will respond, and possibility misunderstand your intentions. It is easier to just keep our distance from people we don’t know, quit difficult relationships, and ignore people you don’t like. But without putting effort into relationships we’ll never have the happiness that long, close relationships offer.
I also feel accomplished. Not because I have started a great movement, won a Nobel prize or saved lives the way doctors can. I don’t feel accomplished because I am intellectually gifted, written a book, or possess some superpower (although I really wish I was as smart as Jordan Peterson or could play basketball like Michael
Jordan). I don’t feel accomplished because I am gifted. I am just a normal guy. I feel accomplished because every day I get up and do the work that is before me to the best of my ability. I feel accomplished in my work as a substitute teacher, my visits to the nursing home with Willy Nelson, that I have made a website, that I am writing weekly blogs, preparing Bible Studies and leading a happiness conversation. I don’t feel like any of the things I just listed are part of my job (It is true I am not sure what is in my job description). But my guide has always been George Baily from It’s a Wonderful Life. Just do the task in front of you to the best of your ability, not because you have to, not because it is your job, but because that what God has called us to do.
When I think about being accomplished or the deep relationships I have, what they have in common is they took a great deal of effort. I think it is easy to think we can find happiness without the effort because we have had some experience with that. But I think the really good stuff, the happiness that goes beyond just a positive emotional feeling, the stuff I am feeling today, requires effort. Often a great deal of effort over a long period of time.
So, I will work to make a better presentation and I will also work on make my Wednesday night teaching more compelling. But I will always insist that the kind of happiness we are all looking for requires faith and effort. I fear that these are two things few airmen are willing to commit to
