Last week at our happiness conversation I suggested the Airmen start a “what went right journal”. After I gave instructions I went home and started one myself. (The instructions were not difficult; every night write
down three things that went right in your day and why they went right). As I started my own journal it was easy for me to think of three things that went right and why they went right. Two days later, on Friday, we began a road trip to Phoenix. We made several stops on the way seeing friends and arrived in Phoenix on Sunday night. Because my schedule was disrupted with travel, I was not able to write in my journal for the last couple of nights. So, this morning I had a few moments and got caught up.
As I began to write this morning, catching up for three “missed” days, it is crazy how many things have gone right. I am not especially lucky, well maybe I am, but what strikes me as I write down the things that have gone right, the list gets
huge fast! For example, the car started every time, the hotel had our reservation, there was a restaurant across the street from the hotel, and there was a great place to walk Willy Nelson. At one point along a stretch of nothing on I40 I was so engrossed in a pod cast that I didn’t pay attention to how low I was on gas. However, long before I ran out of gas the car “reminded” me, with a little beep, to check my fuel level and we were able to stop in plenty of time to get gas without getting stranded. Good friends, interesting conversation, and a little adventure, it has been a great trip. As I wright a about all these little wins I realize how easy it is to miss out on what goes right in our lives.
Over the last few weeks, I have begun coaching several new clients. These clients are all friends from the Air Force Base or people I have known from past ministries. I am a little surprised how much I am enjoying this new way of talking with friends. Coaching has a lot of overlap with spiritual direction, discipleship, and counseling. I think I am a pretty good coach because I have had training in these areas and a lot of experience helping people to solve personal problems and develop their spiritual lives. But coaching is not the same as spiritual direction, discipleship or counseling. My coaching begins with me asking a lot of questions helping clients clarify what they really want.
This may sound obvious, but almost every self help book I have read lists knowing what you want as the first step to getting the life you want. I think most people when asked “what do you want” can come up with an answer to that question. Often people know what they want but have not thought about it deeply. What they want is just a vague thought in the back of their imagination. In conversations with me I help others to think hard about what they want and to write it down. Some have wants that are unrealistic. For example, more than a few young people I know want to be rich and famous, without effort. I work to help the clients become more realistic in their futures. It is also common for people to have wants that are mutually exclusive and conflict with other wants. For example, some want to lose weight, but also really want three scoops of chunky monkey ice cream. More common, they want less stress and a puppy. In conversations I help people see the conflicts and help them to prioritize their wants. As a life coach my first priority is to have people think deeply and clarify what they want and point out desires that might be unrealistic or in conflict with other desires.
After I have a good idea of what the client wants, next we build a step by step plan to achieve those goals. These steps are broken down into what the client can do every day, every week, or maybe every month. The goal is to make the steps small and easy to repeat. For the steps to be helpful they cannot be difficult. However, real change or achievement always requires some effort. Introducing a new habit or thinking how to break a habit that has not been helpful requires additional energy. One of the things I like most about coaching is how encouraging it is to me and to the client to see progress every week.
This brings me back to the “want went right journal”. For the Airmen who came to the conversation, and for me, it is a new habit. It isn’t hard, but it does require some effort. Having a “want went right journal” moves most people who do it to a positive emotional state, but starting this journal and keeping it up isn’t natural.
