This week I spent two days subbing in an art class. The students were making paper sculptures using cardboard, popsicle sticks,
buttons, and bits of other materials, all of which were provided for them. Before I arrived, the students were given the instructions on how to do the project, the directions were also online and accessible with their iPads. I felt useless. Most of the students would do just fine if I wasn’t there. However, there were a few students who chose to be disruptive. They were misbehaving in every conceivable way: throwing materials across the room, using inappropriate language, engaging in sexually-oriented conversation, and trying to glue each other together with the hot glue.
For most of the day I instructed the students, “sit down,” “watch your language,” “put the glue gun down,” or “change the conversation.” It was exhausting and boring. I was not able to read, think, or teach in any kind of meaningful way. Every few minutes I asked myself, “Why am I doing this?”
HERE’S WHY
While I was at school it was hard to find an answer to that question. However, now that the week is over and I have had some rest, the answers come to me. Some students in my classes come from very violent and dysfunctional homes and need to see an older adult who is patient and kind. Although the last two days did not provide any meaningful conversations with students, those conversations happen often and will probably happen next week. And this is the work that God has called me to for now, and some days are going to be hard.
I don’t believe that there is a perfect job. All work involves some frustration, disappointment, and futility. For me, being a substitute teacher isn’t the perfect job, but for now it is a job God has called me to and I desire to be faithful, even on days that are hard and feel pointless.
FINDING A GOOD ANSWER FOR YOURSELF
To maintain good mental health, and enjoy life to the fullest, everyone needs to find a satisfying answer to the question “Why amI doing this?” A good answer can be elusive in the moment when things are not going well. It is also difficult to answer when you are not well rested or at the end of a long day. This is why rest and reflection are vital to good mental health. It is when we are thoughtful and rested that we can more easily find a good answer to “Why am I doing this?”
I confess that one of the reasons that I can answer that question easily after a little rest is because working as a substitute teacher is a side job. The focus of my time and energy is with the Airmen at FE Warren. This morning, eleven Airmen joined us for Saturday breakfast, and we had a very engaging conversation about the need for community and the cost of being part of a community. Being with the Airmen and teaching around the breakfast table was delightful, a totally enjoyable experience.
I pray that today you know why you are working and that you find that answer satisfying. If you can’t find a good answer, I pray you will have the courage to make a change. If you ever would like to discuss how to better understand your calling, or find meaning in your work, please give me a call or a text. I would love to talk with you.
