DOING WHAT I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER DO
For most of my life I have said that I don’t want to live a comfortable life, wait for retirement, drive a motorhome across the country, and die. Rather, I have attempted to articulate–and live through my actions–a bold life for God, taking calculated risks, and giving my life away to help people and build God’s kingdom. I have not always done well at achieving this goal. It is not hard for me to think of times when I have failed to live the life which I have talked about and desired.
However, this week, Debbie and I will hook up a 1998 Ford F-250 to a 30-foot travel trailer and start on a journey across the country. Some have remembered my words, that I didn’t want to travel in a motorhome, and have asked, “What are you thinking? I thought you didn’t want to do that?” That is a fair question. What am I thinking?
THE TRIGGER
The idea to travel across the country was sparked in October 2022, almost a year ago, when I listened to a podcast about the end of life. (This is a link to the podcast This American Life) I cried all through the podcast and then listened to it a second time with Debbie and cried
again. This podcast forced me to think, in concrete ways, about my own death and what I wanted to do before I died or lost my mental or physical abilities to choose what I do.
For a couple of weeks after I listened to that podcast, I spent time alone and thought, meditated on scripture and consulted with mission executives and church leaders. My leadership and my soul came to the same conclusion. It was agreed that it was time to step away from ministry for a time, visit alumni, spend extended time in reflection, and perhaps write a bit. After a few more days of careful thought and conversation with others, we bought the travel trailer and planned to step away from ministry so that we could travel.
That plan was put on hold because of Debbie’s illness. But she finished her treatments at the end of August, and we are picking up where we left off and making plans to travel.
FACING MY FEARS
We are excited about making this trip, not because we will see America, but because we will see people. People we have known for years who have played an important part in our story.
Pulling the trailer is truly scary for me. Going uphill isn’t so bad, but going downhill is going to take some getting used to. Pulling the trailer in traffic is no less terrifying because I have not yet gotten a good feel for how close other cars are in the next lane or if they are going to respond to my turn signal.
In so many ways this adventure is like others I have had: joining the US Navy, going to Bible School, becoming a missionary. In every major adventure I am unsure of the outcome, and there is always some fear associated with the adventure. For the last several days the fear of pulling the trailer and the fear of the unknown have been quite real. And I have asked myself numerous times, “Why am I doing this?” The answer is always because it is my next step in living the life which I have always wanted to live. Once that answer comes through, I get excited about the next several months and keep moving forward.
I never thought I would attempt an RV trip across the country. This is indeed a surprise to me. I have never gotten used to doing things which are hard or frightening. For me it doesn’t get easier.. But I am more afraid of not taking bold opportunities to fulfill the purpose for which God has made me.
AVOIDING A LIFE OF DESPERATION
Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Thoreau believed most people settled for societies’ definition of success and never had the courage to pursue a life which would allow them to experience the transcendent nature of reality. I realize that pulling an RV trailer looks like the opposite of building a primitive cabin and living alone in it. However, as I see it, my decision to pull an RV, and Thoreau’s decision to live in a primitive cabin, come from the same place. Neither Thoreau nor I want to settle for an ordinary life.
Everyone has a different calling on their lives. No two people have the same temperament, circumstances, or gifts. Some are called to live alone in a cabin, some to pull an RV. Circumstances change, and our stage of life causes us to see the world differently. However, I think we all must evaluate our lives and our next steps in living the life God has called us to. I think to live the life God has for us, a life which does not involve desperation, will always require courage.
I pray that today you would think seriously about your life and ask yourself what is your next step in living the life God has called you to. Next, talk with good friends, a pastor, or mentors about your life and your next step. And if God is calling you to change, be bold and courageous!
