Most people I interact with are delightful. Even when I meet someone who seems unfriendly, I find that with just a smile and an innocent question I can see they are kind people who are overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, and are dealing with the enormous pressure which is common to living in our modern world.
NOT EVERYONE IS EMPATHETIC
However, on rare occasions, I encounter a person who is extremely mean and violent. I encountered this kind of person a couple of days ago. I pulled my 30 foot travel trailer down a busy two-lane road in Oceanside, California, looking for the RV park where we had reservations. I saw the RV park entrance, but I overshot the entrance by five feet and pulled into an auto repair business. The business was crowded with cars and machines, and it appeared impossible to turn my truck and trailer around. The owner and a co-worker suggested it would be best if they stopped traffic in both directions while I backed out and then drove forward into the correct driveway. I was not thrilled with this idea. I am not very good at backing up, and it was a pretty steep up-grade out of the driveway, which would require a lot of my truck. But I didn’t have a better idea. They stopped traffic, I backed out, turned, and carefully pulled into the entrance to the RV Park. I was very relieved.
Just as we were finishing this maneuver, a man on a motorcycle passed the cars that were stopped––a stop which lasted no more than three minutes–and, with very loud and vulgar language, this man began to threaten the two
men who were helping me. The exchange was truly frightening. I thought he might shoot the guys who were trying to help me. The yelling went on for longer than the traffic was stopped. Finally, the angry man rode off and my new friends went back to work. I was so relieved it was over, and I asked myself, “What is wrong with that guy?” I was reminded of “what is wrong with that guy” the next day.
HOW OUR BRAINS WORK
I have been rereading one of my favorite books, How We Decide, by Jonah Lehrer. It is a nonfiction book which explores how our emotions and rational thought work together as we make decisions that guide our lives. The book is full of facts about how our brain works and fun experiments which have been conducted. He includes stories that show how sometimes it is best not to think too much about our decision and rather just trust our feelings. He has some great stories about how, under some circumstances, thinking can lead to very bad decisions. He also has examples for when you must completely ignore your feelings and work purely from reason. The book is helpful, and I am convinced that making good decisions has a lot to do with understanding both our emotional self and rational self, and then practicing listening to the right part of our brain at the right time.
HOW OUR BRAINS SOMETIMES DON’T WORK
Chapter six is about the moral mind. Lehrer explores how science has shown that normally people are born with a mind that is naturally empathetic. However, sometimes the brain develops differently, and the individual, while carings about the feelings of others, finds it impossible to understand, read, or respond appropriately to those feelings. Lehrer also explores the science behind how the brain can be impacted through abuse, neglect, and trauma. The evidence suggests that the moral mind we were born with can be injured so that a person can know what others are feeling, but just doesn’t care.
I think that the science points to the fact that people are created in the image of God, they have souls, and are naturally empathetic. But because of the fall and sin, the brain doesn’t develop properly and sometimes it is damaged in ways that make it impossible for some people to relate to others as God intended.
When Jesus saw the crowds “he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like a sheep without a shepherd.” I am sure that the angry man on the motorcycle either has some kind of mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance, trauma in his past, or inherited qualities which cause him to behave in such an angry and violent way. Either way, I am certain he is quite unhappy, and now that the event is over, I have compassion for him.
This doesn’t mean I want his phone number, and I am not going to suggest I would like him as a friend any time soon. I think he really needs help and a new life which Jesus offers (2 Corinthians 5:17). Of course, many people who are angry, violent, and unable to relate believe that they don’t have a problem. They believe the problem is with everyone else. Although Jesus offers a new life, not everyone wants that life, or can believe that Jesus is really the answer.
FOLLOWING JESUS IS THE ANSWER
Jesus never forces anyone to a new life, but rather offers a new life to anyone who will come to Him. And this life that Jesus offers doesn’t come all at once, but rather begins with a decision to follow Him and then is followed by a lifetime of letting Him make changes in our soul.
I believe that a lot of relational and behavioral problems could be solved if people would commit their lives to Jesus and begin the long, hard life of seriously following Him. But many, maybe most, people don’t want a long hard life of following a Savior, they want an immediate solution that can be found in drugs, alcohol, denial, worldly success, and sex. Or they don’t want any solution at all because they believe everything is just fine the way it is.
Today I am praying that God would make me more compassionate to others who are difficult, even those who are angry and violent. I am also praying for you, that you would know that the people in your life who are difficult are people who have been impacted by the fall and need Jesus. I am also praying that we would recognize in those times when we are mean, that God did not make us that way and He has a better way for us.
