Back in the 90s, I read Maybe (Maybe Not): Second Thoughts from a Secret Life, a collection of fun and insightful essays by Robert
Fulghum. The opening essay begins with Fulghum listing contradictions which he holds. For example:
“Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.
Two heads are better than one.
If you want something done right, do it yourself.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Better safe than sorry.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
This is only part of his list. In the essay the list is longer, and he writes at the end of the list that “it could go on forever.” The idea that life is full of contradictions resonated with me, which is why I have remembered the essay for so long. One of the contradictions Fulghum didn’t wrestle with was the benefit/curse of social media. I am sure that is because when he wrote the book in 1993, social media wasn’t really a thing. However, it is a contradiction I wrestle with today.
I first began using social media in 2006, when I was a teacher at Cactus High School. I opened a “MySpace” account and used to communicate to the students a little of what it was like for me as a first-time high school teacher. I never became “friends” with any of the students, never posted any pictures, never posted anything that could be embarrassing to anyone, or misunderstood. I never shared any details of my private life, just some reflections on what it was like for me as a high school teacher. It was definitely one way communication, I NEVER looked at their news feed. I think a few of the students who read what I wrote gained some insight, and perhaps some sympathy, to what it was like to be a teacher.
Some time after 2006, I created a Facebook account. I didn’t post much and seldom looked at my news feed. When I did post something on Facebook, I would feel guilty because I could not respond to everyone who posted a comment. Others told me that “I shouldn’t feel guilty,” but I always did. On the few occasions when I would scroll through my news feed I would feel inadequate. It wouldn’t take long before it felt like everyone had better behaved kids than I did, better vacations, and was eating better food than I was. Looking at the news feed never left me feeling very good.
Even though I have always recognized that social media can have a relational benefit, I have been much more aware of how destructive it has been in the lives of so many. I have read numerous articles, and a couple of books (Reclaiming Conversation and Alone Together), that detail the destructive nature of social media. I have also witnessed the damage that it has inflicted on high school students and the young soldiers and airmen we have known. Although I have been conflicted, I have believed that social media has done more harm than good. As a result, I have kept my distance from Facebook and social media.
However, knowing that there is also a benefit to social media, I made a commitment to post on Facebook and Instagram this year when we began our sabbatical. Because we were going to be touring the country and seeing people, I thought there would be a lot of things of interest to post. However, on February third, Debbie was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and our sabbatical, as well as our trip across the country, has been postponed. Nevertheless, I have continued my commitment to post on Facebook as often as I can, and I continue to be conflicted about it.
I have liked the way that Facebook and Instagram have helped me to connect with many friends across the country who we have been out of touch with. They have been praying for us, and I feel like they have joined us in our fight against the cancer. I have been encouraged by how many people have read my posts and responded with short comments. I feel more than just a small hit of dopamine as I read the comments. It is easy for me to see how this could become addictive.
However, I also dislike the guilt I feel because I can not respond to everyone individually and tell them how much their comments and prayers mean to us. It just doesn’t feel right to read the comments and not respond. I also feel bad that I don’t take the time to look at all their posts and news feeds. I always look at a few, but I just don’t want to take the time to look through all the ads and posts that are there.
Like Fulghum, I carry many contradictions in my brain. I fear that too often I sound more dogmatic than I really am. I fear that most of my friends have heard my fear of social media more than they have heard what I appreciate about the platform. And although I don’t have a clever way to succinctly communicate it, I think Facebook and Instagram are both helpful and dangerous at the same time. But it is a contradiction which I am living with, and I want to get better at articulating the positive aspects, as well as the negative parts of this technology, that is part of our modern lives.
I pray that today you would understand that much of your life is full of maybes and contradictions, and that you will navigate your world with humility.
