Most of the time I feel like I am mentally healthy. I can function in a cognitive and emotional manner that is productive, and I feel fulfilled and generally happy. I feel like my life is meaningful, I function with a great deal of autonomy, and I relate well with my primary relationships as well as to strangers I meet. I am golden.
However, for the last eight weeks I have been experiencing something
new. I have only been able to obtain a healthy expression of emotions and behaviors through what feels like herculean efforts. My emotions have been strong; most of the time I can control them, but just under the surface I am a mess. For example, I felt such waves of gratitude for Debbie’s neurologist that I couldn’t thank her without crying. I felt so angry with another doctor, who I felt treated me like an idiot, that I could barely contain my rage. Both times I left the encounter feeling emotionally unstable.
I am also dealing with intense feelings of fear and sadness. When I become aware of these feelings, I am able to recall Bible verses, talk myself down, and reach out to friends who are willing to hang out with me. It isn’t long before these intense feelings subside into a more normal range. I feel like I am maintaining my mental health, but it also feels like crazy isn’t far away.
I believe that good mental health is a result of practicing the habits of happiness. I also know that there are times when, regardless of the habits we have been practicing, emotions can take over and we lose control. I am smart enough to know that I can deceive myself into believing I am just fine when really I am not, so I am committed to listening to others.
Because of this commitment, I have decided that I need to find someone to talk to about my feelings in this situation. I don’t know whether that person will be a professional counselor, or someone I trust who has walked in my shoes.
I pray that today you are experiencing joy and happiness. I pray that you would be practicing the habits of happiness so that when the day of trouble visits you will be able to maintain your mental health. I also pray that if you are struggling with strong emotions you would listen to the wise counsel of others and find someone to talk to.
