There are a lot of really important things about our lives that we don’t get to choose. For example, we didn’t choose our parents, where we were born, or even what century we were born in. I imagine that my life would be much different if I were born in Afghanistan or France in the 18th century. Then there are other things we do get to choose, and we may even think we know what we are choosing, but the reality is often very different than what we imagine. For example, we may choose who we marry, but it is impossible to know what it will be like to live with that person until you do it. You may choose to have children and learn all you can about child development and parenting, but there is no way to know what it will be like to raise your children until you do it. We may choose to buy a thirty-foot travel trailer and make plans to pull it across the county, but until you do it, you don’t know for sure what it will be like.
Choosing to get a library card is one of the few things in life that is predictable. Once you make that choice to get a library card you can borrow books from a large selection and th
en return the books in a couple of weeks at no charge. If you are late, you’ll pay a small fine, and if you keep the book, or lose it, you may be required to pay for a replacement copy. Either way, the choice to get a library card has a predicable outcome.
It is difficult for me to think of another choice we get which is so predictable. We can sign up for classes at college, but until you take the class you can’t know what the professor will be like, who will be in the class, or how difficult it will be. The same holds for any job. Has anyone ever really known what a job would be like until they started working at the company?
In recent years I have heard people use the phrase, “I didn’t sign up for this.” The “this” is usually referring to a job, marriage, or children who are making poor choices and are not following the advice of their parents. But what did they think they were signing up for? When we got married, we vowed before God and a large congregation to love each other for better or worse, richer or poorer, and in sickness and in health. Those vows imply that I don’t know the future or what I am signing up for, but rather I am committing to an unknown future.
Thomas Hobbes
I think that there is an underlying belief in many people today that life should be easier than it is. During most of human history, people never thought life would be easy. Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679) observed “the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” (Yes, ironically, he lived to be 91!) Being part of the 21st-century culture has drilled into our psyches that life should be easy. High School students are taught to go to college, get a job that pays well or one they are passionate about, and life will be one enjoyable event after another. But Thomas Hobbes was closer to the truth. No matter how rich or successful you become, life is hard. To be alive is to sign up for a life that is difficult.
I suggest that rather than saying, “I didn’t sign up for this,” we should say, “This is more difficult than I thought it would be.” This captures the truth that we often can’t visualize the future, and a lot of things look easier than they really are. People would be happier if they made more commitments knowing the future is always unclear and things are often more difficult than we can imagine.
In addition, I think we would be a lot happier if we got in the habit of saying, “Wow, this is a lot better than I thought it would be.” Many situations are more difficult than we thought they would be, but just as often situations are easier or more enjoyable than we thought they would be. But our brains just are not programmed to look for the positive. Looking for the positive is a habit that is cultivated.
I pray today you can rejoice in the things in your life which are better than you thought they would be. I also pray that for the things that are difficult, you would be patient and work to make them better, knowing we didn’t sign up to be human and live on planet Earth, but there are a lot of things here to enjoy.
