Elements of Happiness

I think a lot about happiness, but I don’t really like the word.  Happiness, like the weather, doesn’t really exist.  What does exist are several other factors that together make up both happiness and the weather. Weather is made up of temperature, barometric pressure, precipitation, and wind. It is the combination of those five elements that together constitute weather.  In the same way, happiness is a combination of positive relationships, achievement, engagement, purpose, and positive emotions. Happiness is not having all five elements all the time, but it is having some of these elements much of the time.

When I think about happiness, I am really thinking about positive, good mental health, personal peace,contentment, and a deep feeling that is something like, “The world is a good place, and I am glad I am part of it.” Of course, the world is messed up, but the person who is emotionally healthy can see the good that is always present and be optimistic that there is something that they can do to make a messed-up world just a little better. I am moved by people who are in the worst possible situations, places like prisons or concentration camps, who can find the good that is there and work to make a positive difference to improve the situation. The happiness I think about is not all about pleasant circumstances, but it is always a bonus when the circumstances of life are pleasant.

I love my life. I am about as happy as I think anyone can get. I am currently in my office and surrounded by small souvenirs that trigger great memories of adventures I have had and people whom I have had the privilege to know. Like George Bailey, I have had a wonderful life. Thinking about my past is a very pleasant experience.

I also find myself content in the present moment. My dogs are in my office “helping” me write by playing with each other.   There is smooth jazz playing in the background and the sounds of Debbie upstairs doing a thousand little things to make our house comfortable for us and others. I am loving this moment and I am excited about the future. This weekend we’ll have airmen and neighbors join us on Saturday and Sunday evenings, and I feel like I am making a small but valuable contribution to their lives.

Bold Decisions, Hard Work, and Luck

I often ask myself how I ended up in such a happy place and it seems to me that it is a combination of bold, risky decisions, hard work and luck. Some of the decisions I have made do not seem that bold or risky, but they are key to my current happiness. One of the decisions I made. in 1972, was to memorize Bible verses.  I have currently memorized about 300 verses. It has been a long time since I have added any new verses, but I review some of the 300 verses every week. These Bible verses keep my mind centered on God and His plan, rather than on my life, my problems, and a messed-up world. This decision to memorize Bible verses doesn’t seem bold or risky, but it takes time, discipline, and when I began, faith that the effort would pay off. It seems bold because few people choose to make this a part of their lives.

Another decision which I made was to stay happily married. This sounds rather absurd because most people think that happy marriages either happen or they don’t. But I have always believed that if my marriage was going to be a happy one it would require work on my part. I would have to engage in hard, honest conversations with Debbie when it would be easier to ignore what was bothering me. I would also have to, more often than I would like to admit, humbly admit that she was right or had a better perspective, and submit myself to what she knew was true, even though it didn’t feel right to me. I believed that I could have a happy marriage only if I took the time to read books, have honest conversations with others about our relationship, and attend workshops and retreats which were designed to improve our relationship. Finally, I have always thought that it was worth it to invest time and money in great romantic dates and adventures. I am not happily married just because I found the right girl.

I am sure that a large part of my happy marriage can be traced to bold decisions which I have made. However, I am also incredibly lucky to be married to a godly woman who is beautiful through and through. That part was luck. I wasn’t smart enough at 19 to know much about love or the woman I was pledging my life to. I don’t know what percentage of my happy marriage can be attributed to my decisions and what percentage can be attributed to luck, but I think there are a lot of unhappy marriages because of a failure to make the kind of decisions which lead to a happy marriage.

Practicing Habits of Happiness

Over the last couple of years, I have come to deeply believe that the people who are the happiest are not the people who have the most luck, but rather those who make the bold decision to practice the habits that lead to happiness. They practice these habits consistently and over a long period of time. They practice them when they are inconvenient, when they are hard, and when there is little evidence, they are helping.

There is no doubt that some happiness can be attributed to luck. But as Arnold Palmer, who is widely regarded as one of the greatest and most charismatic golfers of all time, said so well, “The more I practice the luckier I get.”

In my upcoming blogs I will reflect more on the habits of happiness which I have found helpful.  Of course, if you are really curious, these habits are no secret; click this link for more about Habits of Happiness.

My prayer is that all of you would practice the habits of happiness so that you might experience all of the joy, contentment, peace that this world has to offer.