Admitting the Embarrassing Truth

Knowing Is Not Enough

Every month, and sometimes twice a month, I get a chance to talk about the science of happiness to the first term airmen who have just arrived at FE Warren. Included in my talk I give five tips on how to be happy, and I always add, “Knowing these tips will not add to your happiness. Knowing is never enough; you must do these things if you want to increase your happiness.” I then invite the airmen to join us on Wednesday evenings for our happiness conversation so they can not only learn about happiness but be part of a group of people who are practicing the habits of happiness.

Being Aware of What You Watch

One the five tips I offer is to be aware of what you watch and listen to, because what we see and hear impacts the way we feel, the values we hold, and the decisions we make. I am sure different images, movies, videos, and music impact different people in different ways. I think the key is to be aware of what you are watching and to reflect on how that is impacting you!

A couple of months ago, Debbie and I began watching My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman. Each episode is just under an hour and features an interview with just one guest. Debbie and I have enjoyed learning more about some very famous people, and we have also been exposed to some famous people who did need an introduction because we had never heard of them. (Debbie and I are not up to date on pop culture). This show has led to some good and deep conversations between us as we reflect on what celebrities reveal about their personal lives. The series has also been entertaining.

Admitting the Embarrassing Truth

However, I have also noticed an impact of this show on my life which isn’t so positive. This impact was not immediately obvious to me, and it is embarrassing to admit. (A slight digression here-admitting to the truth about our lives, especially when we find it embarrassing, can help us connect with other people. Connection with others is one of the key components of happiness, so having the courage to tell others about our lives can lead to more happiness. I find what I am about to admit embarrassing, but it is what is going on in my head, so here it is.)  When David Letterman first walks on the stage he gets a standing ovation from the audience, and for a brief moment (sometimes longer), I feel like a failure. I, too, would like a standing ovation and to have many people excited to hear what I have to say. I think to myself that the standing ovation from a crowd of strangers would prove I was successful.

This is embarrassing to admit because I know, really, I know deep in my bones, that the applause of an anonymous crowd brings no lasting or deep happiness and is no sign of success. As I listen carefully to the interviews on the show, I hear both David Letterman and his celebrity guest say as much. But at the beginning of each show, it feels as though if a crowd of people would only give me a standing ovation, I would know I was successful, and I would be happy. However, just knowing the truth doesn’t make the feeling go away.

It is also embarrassing to admit that I feel this way because I have something much better than the applause of an anonymous crowd: I have many people in my life who really know me, and who are happy to see me. Every week airmen come to our happiness conversations, others come over to the house or meet with me on Zoom for life coaching. In addition, every Friday night we have a Zoom Bible Study where I see some of my best friends from all over the country, whom I love. They are happy to see me and I am happy to see them. So much better than the applause of an anonymous crowd.

Repentance

Knowing this doesn’t make the feelings disappear, but repentance does. To repent is to acknowledge the truth, which changes the way I feel, which changes the way I live. This blog is part of my repentance. I will still watch My Next Guest, but knowing that I have acknowledged the embarrassing truth, it will be easier and faster for me to say, “Yes, David Letterman has the applause of an anonymous crowd, but I have something even better.”

My prayer for you is twofold. First, don’t be afraid to face the truth about your own life, even when you find it embarrassing. I am sure when you share who you are with trusted friends you will find empathy, support, and deeper friendships. Second, be aware of what you watch and what you listen to. The impact of music and video is not always apparent, but it is never absent.