There is an advan
tage to being aware of what went wrong, evaluating why it went wrong, and anticipating the future so it won’t happen again. Students who see a bad grade, ask themselves why it happened, and make plans so that it doesn’t happen again stand a good chance at getting better grades at school. Sports teams that see loosing patterns, evaluate why they are losing, and make substantial changes, can becoming winning teams. Singles, who are cognizant that they have had several bad dates with people who they have found on a dating site and then engage in some serious introspection to understand why their dates aren’t working out may find that their dates improve after taking corrective action. Looking seriously at bad outcomes, working to understand the underling forces which lead to the unwanted outcomes, and then making informed changes is a good strategy for solving many of the problems that plague us as individuals and communities. However, as helpful as this strategy is for solving problems it can move us away from the happy life we desire.
I think it is natural to see problems and find solutions, this is deep in our souls and it keeps us alive. However, this helpful, natural strategy, can lead to dark places and depression for two reasons. First, some of the big issues we face in our lives don’t have easily defined solutions and we often find ourselves in a place of doubt and confusion. There is a second reason that this strategy keeps us from the happiness that we want it our lives. With our natural focus on problems and what went wrong we MISS what went right!
If we are to find the happiness that we want in our lives, we will have to find ways to mitigate our natural tendency to see what is wrong and search for solutions. For these two downsides I propose two solutions.
First, if we really want to be happy, we need to learn to embrace uncertainty and imperfection. Back in the 1960s quarterbacks in the NFL did not have speakers in their football helmets and coaches did not have microphones to call in the perfect play. Before these advanced communication technologies made their way into the NFL the quarterbacks had to make the call themselves. In the 1960 the most winning team in the NFL was the Greenbay Packers who were led by their legendary coach, Vince Lombardi, and their star quarterback, Bart Starr (who was drafted in the 17th round!). Lombardi told Bart Starr to never worry about calling the best play, instead Lombardi instructed his quarterback to just call a good play and then execute the play with excellence. What great advice! We don’t need the perfect solution to our problems, we
need some reasonable idea of what to do and then carry out our plan with all the skill we possess. We shouldn’t be so troubled by needing the best answer, we just need one that is good enough and then execute the best we can with enthusiasm.
Secondly, most of us need to get better at seeing what is right and celebrating our victories. When I googled celebrate this was the first definition that came up (others were very similar), “acknowledge (a significant or happy day or event) with a social gathering or enjoyable activity”. What if would happen if you modified this definition and took out the word “significant”. What if we began to pay attention to everything that went right and acknowledge it with a social gathering or an enjoyable activity. This doesn’t come naturally, what comes naturally is seeing what is wrong. If we are going to have all the happiness which is possible, we are going to have to do something which isn’t hard, but it doesn’t come naturally. In this blog I am going to suggest we get better at celebrating small things that go right every day.
Here are some things I have been celebrating and how I have celebrated. I have a lawn, a lawn mower, a snow shovel, and the health needed to operate these! When I mow my lawn, I always sit on the porch after I am finished with a glass of iced tea and just enjoy the victory and celebrate the green grass. Just this morning I was able to shovel 6-8 inches of snow off the driveway and the sidewalk. I celebrated by having a hot cup of coffee, standing in front of our fire place, having a donut (I don’t usually eat donuts at my advanced age, although I do love them ever so much, but after shoveling snow for an hour, it was part of the celebration).
Recently we were able to travel to Phoenix, Arizona and Oceanside, California and I was able to celebrate our grandkids by just being with them!
Two of the four wheels on our bathroom heater were broken and I was able to successfully replace the two broken wheels. I could not find wheels exactly the same size, so the “fix” caused the heater to lean a bit. I celebrated the victory of this “fix” by replacing the other two wheels and then bragging to Debbie about the victory.
Almost every day I celebrate Willy Nelson, my service dog (I will have an entire blog on how I celebrate Debbie and another blog for how to celebrate friends, so don’t think Willy Nelson is the only living thing I celebrate). I celebrate him by talking with him, scratching his ears, playing fetch in the backyard, and giving him undeserved treats.
I have a friend who is a writer. Some people are surprised to learn that it is really hard to make a living as a writer. It is hard not only because you have to write well enough so that a lot of people buy your books, but you have to write everyday whether you feel like it or not and there is no one telling you that you have to write. My friend is able to keep up the discipline of writing because before he writes a single word, he lights a candle, turns his phone off and puts it in a box, and sits quietly for a few moments. He tells me that before he even starts, he celebrates these three little victories by thanking God for life he has been given. He reports that having these small victories and celebrating, gives him the confidence and excitement to write!
When I was 19, I made a commitment to never borrow money for a depreciating asset. As a result of this decision for most of my life I have driven old, unreliable cars. I got in the habit of having a little celebration every time my car started. Now that I have reliable vehicles, I have gotten out of the practice of this celebration but as I think about how much better my life would be if I celebrated more, I am going to bring back a little celebration every time my car starts.
I am sure you get my point, there are all kinds of little victories we can celebrate every day. But we often miss them because we are so focused on what went wrong or what is going wrong. Here is a very practical suggestion on how you can begin celebrating the small victories in your life; start a “What Went Right Journal”. You can do this in a notebook, or on your phone. Every night before you go to sleep review your day and record three things that went right and WHY they went well. For example:
- My car started because I have enough money to have a reliable vehicle.
- I got paid today because I have the health, talent and good fortune to have a job.
- I told a small joke at work that people laughed at because I am really a good natured funny guy.
- I got a really fun text from a friend because I have a really good friend and a smart phone.
- I get to sleep in a comfortable bed because I am disciplined and made my bed before I went to work. It feels good to be disciplined.
It is good to be aware of the things in our life that didn’t go well and find solutions. But we should NEVER miss an opportunity to celebrate the things that went well.
