Making A Good Decision

Making A Good Decision

Seven days ago, I got a big idea that I really like. It is an idea that will require a significant amount of time and money. When I have free time in between activities or driving, I find myself imagining how wonderful it will be to make this idea a reality. I can

tell that I am primed to make a bad decision.

However, twenty years of research has shown that when we really want something, we are not very good at visualizing what it will be like when we obtain what we want. Everyone–this includes you and me–tends to overestimate the positive and either ignore, or minimize, the negative. This is especially true with big decisions like marriage, retirement, and getting a puppy.  For example, it is easy to fall in love with a cute puppy, but it is impossible to imagine how much time and patience it will take to train the puppy. And you can know that there will be veterinarian bills, but you never think it will be your dog who gets injured on Christmas Eve and must make an emergency visit. (When this did happen to us, I was thankful that I live in a city where the veterinarian would come and open the office, sew up the wound, and give him some pain medication on Christmas Eve. I was also thankful I had the cash, but I am not going to lie, it was expensive and hurt in the way large, unexpected bills always hurt.)

One of the best ways to avoid making big mistakes is by listening to unbiased insight from people who have more experience than you do. This is why, before making any major decision, it is best to seek the advice and opinion of others. The bigger the decision, the more important it is to talk with others who know what they are talking about. That is why I am a fan of pre-engagement counseling. Talking to a competent professional before making such a big commitment is a wise thing to do. However, it is hard to listen to a contrasting opinion when you really want something. It isn’t hard to come up with reasons why you are the exception, or why the contrasting opinion doesn’t fit your situation. 

I have to confess – for all of my advice to listen to the experts, I find myself minimizing the potential downsides of my idea. When I talk to someone who agrees and thinks my idea is brilliant, I find I get excited. When experts disagree or point out potential problems with my idea, I find myself quickly finding solutions. Most of the time these are not “real” solutions, they are more the “Oh, that won’t be a problem” or “We’ll figure that out when the time comes” kind of solutions that I typically caution other people about. 

I realize that this doesn’t mean that moving forward on my idea is a bad decision; it simply means that I’m human, and I can’t easily visualize the downsides. I also know that, ultimately, the only way to know for sure if this is a good idea or not is to actually do it. Like getting married or getting a puppy, at some point you just have to take the plunge.

We are NOT committed to taking the plunge at this time. We are still gathering information, and I am working with all my might to keep my emotions under control, and to imagine how wonderful life will still be if this idea never becomes a reality. 

I promise that in future blogs I will share my idea with you, whatever we decide. I will also share more of what the process was like. But for now, I hope you have some big ideas. I hope that you will approach your big ideas with the appropriate caution, and at the same time have enough courage to take some chances.

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1 I suggest pre-engagement counseling over premarital counseling because often, after the engagement, a date has been set and often there isn’t sufficient time to address problems that come up in counseling. However, if pre-engagement counseling isn’t an option, everyone should take advantage of pre-marital counseling.